Awareness

Source - National Sexual Violence Resource Center

I caught up with a friend on Monday. She is an American living in Australia as well.  Approximately two years ago, she was a college student (still in America), and she was sexually assaulted.  She reported her assault to police, was questioned by over five different police officers including a sergeant and a detective (all male) and had the invasive rape kit conducted at a medical center.  In her interview, some questions posed to her were about sexual positions and specific times that each act occurred.  She tells me that the interviews were as emotionally damaging as the actual rape itself.

Police were trying to be thorough and get details.  Fine.  As long as they are just as thorough with their investigation into the allegation and with the accused.

No one from law enforcement ever initiated any follow-up with her.  She called the detective in charge a number of times to ask about her case.  Eventually, she was told that there was not enough evidence to press charges.  Her alleged perpetrator only spoke to police after agreeing to do so with his lawyer present.  His version was that everything that happened was consensual, then they got in an argument, he left abruptly, so she accused him of rape.   One interview was conducted with the perpetrator (in comparison to the five interviews that my friend experienced; six if you count the rape kit/test/and questioning at the medical center.)  During that interview, he was never questioned about sexual positions or specific times that each act occurred. 

I wasn't there.  I don't know exactly what happened.  I am hearing one side of the story.

What I do know is my friend is a smart, educated, well-spoken, reliable, ambitious person.  She has never given me any reason to doubt her word or her integrity.  I support her and believe that she deserved to be treated with respect and fairness.  I do not believe this has happened for her since reporting the incident. 

The rape kit cost her personally $900 (it was a total fee of $1600, but insurance covered $700.)  She applied for "victim's assistance" but was denied due to the police determining there was not enough evidence to file charges.

Her parents have doubted her, have blamed her for having a boy in her apartment alone after she had been drinking with him. Her brother has told her "she's different", "angry", and not as fun as she used to be.  As if, these things are her fault as well.  Her response is "damn right" she feels different and angry.

Sadly, so many of us know people who have experienced the same.  I know people who have similar experiences.  Some of us have our own personal experiences as a victim as well.  It has to stop.

I don't have all the answers.  I know these cases must be difficult to prove.  I know both parties deserve respect and have the right to be treated fairly and lawfully.  But, I am so, so, so tired of stories like this one.  And, I didn't read this one in the newspaper or online.  I heard it from the mouth of someone I know, someone I respect, and someone I care about. 

Awareness is key.  Education is imperative.  Knowledge must help.  So, I've shared this story from my friend to add to the awareness of the sickening situation.  And, I encourage you to read Steph's post Sexual Assault Awareness - Do We Need a Month for This? because she shares a lot of research and statistics. 

Most importantly, what can I do?  I can support my friend.  I can let her know that I value her.  That I admire her courage and strength.  That I am always available for a phone call, a cup of tea, or a drink.  I can encourage therapy if she feels that's something she is interested in pursuing.  I can locate resources for her.  I can hold her hand and tell her that I believe her.  Right now, I think that's what she has valued from me the most.  She doesn't think the police believed her.  She doesn't think her parents believe her.  She needs to feel that someone believes in her, and I am honored to step up to the plate in that role for her. 

March scavenger hunt recap

from jenn's original post:

one. march second. national old stuff day. show me two of the oldest and most favored things in your house, and tell me why you love them. 

This is Snuggles.  My uncle gave him to me when he was dating my aunt.  He was trying to win my approval because our family was very close.  I was 6(ish).  Yes, Snuggles has lost an eye and a nose but he's in pretty good condition considering he's over 35 years old.

This is my mommy's ring that she received from an aunt of hers for her 18th birthday (she's 70 now).  It's garnets (her birthstone) and diamonds.  I don't wear it, but I keep it in a place that I can see it, touch it, appreciate it, and think of my mom. 

two. also march second. national read across america day, also called dr. seuss day. there's a film, a nicholas sparks' story called the lucky one, and in it, zac efron's logan is talking with taylor schilling's beth and blythe danner's ellie about philosophy. beth asks logan, dares him, really, to give them his favorite quote by a philosopher. he does. she assumes it's something of voltaire's when in actuality, it's from dr. seuss. so what's your favorite dr. seuss book? what bit of his philosophy do you most admire?

I strolled into the bookstore remembering that I loved "Oh, The Places You'll Go" but not really remembering why.  OH MY GOSH.  Thanks to this challenge for reminding me what a true treasure this book is.  I bought it.  I love that the book can be interpreted different ways but that it is positive and encouraging about finding one's own adventure even when obstacles may arise.

"On and on you will hike.

And I know you'll hike far

and face up to your problems

whatever they are."

three. march sixth. national dress day. wear a dress. the whole day. you don't have to do heels if you don't want to, but you do have to do the dress. for some of you, this might not be a big thing. for me, i've probably put on a dress maybe five times in the past year. i hate the things. i hate having to iron them. i hate having to wear them because you can't just put on the dress. you have to put on the make up, too. BAH.

I wear dresses. I like 'em.  This was taken in the public toilets at the Australian Tattoo Convention.

six. march thirteenth. national good samaritan day. do something nice for someone you detest. do something kind for someone who's known more badness in his or her life than good. be an army of one.

Walking to Sydney Central train station after having lunch with a friend, I saw a guy sitting on the ground, playing guitar, asking for money, and he was accompanied by 2 sleeping dogs.  I sat down next to him, talked to him, gave him some money, and rubbed the bellies of his 2 blue heelers ~ mother & son, Jolie & Zac.  Sharing what we talked about and a photo aren't necessary to let you know I left him with a smile on his face after we shared a couple of laughs too.

seven. also march thirteenth. national napping day. give yourself a bit of rest one afternoon. lay down, and let your mind wander... dream a little.

I'm a big believer in naps.  So are my kitties.

eight. march twenty-first. national single parent day. surely you know someone who's raising a child all by his or herself. that's a LOT or responsibility for one person. send them a note of encouragement. if that person lives near you, offer to watch his or her child (or children) for an hour or two. give that single parent a bit of respite.

I reached out to a single parent friend of mine.  I know she's facing some challenges at the moment.  I've offered to have her and the kids over for a taco night ~ something we've been talking about for ages.  It didn't happen this month, but it is coming soon.

nine. march twenty-fifth. national tolkien reading day. what's your favorite of tolkien's tales? what's the third word on the twenty-fifth line of the three hundred twenty-fifth page of that book?

I don't read Tolkien.  Sorry, not sorry.  But, I did see the movie The Hobbit.  So, here's the word I was supposed to find from that book:  "shutting"

ten. march twenty-ninth. my birthday. send me happy thoughts, preferably via the post because i like getting mail (address is in the sidebar). please and thank you. i know. i'm being selfish. it's my day. i get a freebie on this one.

Done but not showing what I sent because I don't think she's received it yet...

eleven. march thirtieth. national take a walk in the park day. show me your favorite spot in your favorite park.

My favorite walk is with my family and these two crazy beasts ~ they love chasing ducks and going for a swim, and I love watching how genuinely happy they are while doing it.

twelve. national crayon day. grab a box of crayolas. color a pretty picture, and then send it to a friend.

Done

Jenn from Quirky Pickings has been hosting these challenges since November.  Won't you join us for April?  You don't have to do them all.  You don't have to do them on the actual day.  You can tweak them to suit you. 

Sunday's Seven Snapshots vol.116

Such an unexpected treasure ~ a Prince mural in a Sydney suburb

Since LuLaRoe isn't sold in Australia, I've had a few items that I purchased shipped to my mom.  Finally, mom sent me a care package with these goodies.  I may have a problem addiction. 

I love watching how much the stepkid adores all of our fur babies.

It's been raining off and on for the last couple of weeks.  Having a cute umbrella helps when the gloomy days hit.

Some evenings, I just like to sit and hang with my homegirls.  They like it too...just look at those smiles.

Sunday afternoon pedicure time

Thai beef noodles ~ it's what's for dinner

I've continued to not find my balance with juggling new job, new commute, family time, and blog time.  I'll work it out eventually.  Thanks for being patient with me.

Hope you had a happy week!

Award-winning movie stuff to add to your list

My friend, Jenn at Quirky Pickings, is hosting a link-up called Tuesday Topics.  I'm terrible about weekly link-ups, but I'll jump in when I can.  Why don't you find a topic (or topics) that interest or inspire you and join as well?

Jenn likes movies.  She likes them a lot.  She even hosts "the fall film challenge" every autumn.  I'm a fan of film too, and when I love a movie or a performance, I am happy to share and talk about it.  That's why when Jenn encouraged us to list our favorite Oscar-Award-Winners, I thought I'd dive in and share my thoughts.

Plus.....as for link-ups, this is also the day that Lauren at Eat, Drink, and Be Lauren and Bre at Bre Writes host "Add it to My List".  So, why not encourage you to add these movies to your "must watch" list (if you haven't seen them already)?

When it comes to movies, I get more passionate about acting performances.  Sure, movies that are great, as in, the sum of the entire movie is wonderful/inspirational/powerful are awesome to watch.  I don't know...I just get even more moved and passionate about individual performances, the way an actor or actress completely transforms his/herself into a character.  So, here's my list of Oscar-Winning-Performances by an actor or actress. 

1.  Vivien Leigh won for her portrayal as Scarlett O'Hara at the 12th Academy Awards in 1939.  Could Gone with the Wind have become such a long-standing phenomenon if it weren't for Vivien Leigh's performance?  I think not.

2.  Marlon Brando won Best Actor for his portrayal in The Godfather.  Seriously.  Like Vivien Leigh as Scarlett O'Hara, Marlon Brando is Don Vito Corleone, The Godfather.  We can't imagine anyone else playing that iconic role.

3.  The 52nd Academy Awards awarded Meryl Streep Best Supporting Actress and Dustin Hoffman for Best Actor for their performances as divorced parents in a custody battle in Kramer vs. Kramer.  I remember watching Meryl Streep sitting in a witness stand and Dustin Hoffman sitting in court, and I was just sobbing, gasping for breath.  I believed that these parents were fighting for their son.  I didn't see them as actors.  I saw her as a flawed mother and a devoted father who both loved their son dearly.

4.  My personal opinion?  Jodie Foster's Best Actress-winning portrayal of a rape victim in The Accused is quite possibly the most powerful, unnerving performance that I've ever witnessed on film.  I know that's a big statement.  But, damn, I still get chills just thinking about this movie and her performance.  If you haven't seen it, add it to your list and watch it, but be prepared for being angry at the rape culture that existed then and still exists today.

5.  Two wins.  Two years in a row.  Two completely different performances.  One man.  I'm talking Tom Hanks winning Best Actor in 1993 and 1994 for AIDS victim in Philadelphia and the loveable Forrest Gump.  I can't choose which award-winning performance I liked better, and I'm not going to. 

6.  I've mentioned in a previous post how much I love this character and this performance, and I was thrilled when Robin Williams won Best Supporting Actor at the 70th Academy Awards in 1997 for his role in Good Will Hunting.  If you haven't seen this movie, what are you waiting for??  Add this to your list immediately.

7.  I read Cormac McCarthy's book No Country for Old Men before I saw the movie.  The character that Javier Bardem played is the type of guy that can give you nightmares...and his performance was frightening how good it was at playing a murdering maniac.  He deserved that Academy Award he won in 2007 at the 80th ceremony.

8.  Christoph Waltz in Inglorious Basterds is brilliant.  Somehow he was able convey convincingly the role of a polite Nazi sadist.  By doing so, he won Best Supporting Actor at the 82nd Academy Awards.

9.  Yes.  I'm biased.  I love Jared Leto.  But, damn if that boy didn't pull at my heart strings as the damaged, hurt, drug addicted, transgender, AIDS victim in Dallas Buyers Club.  There's a scene in this movie that Jared made me cry big, fat, ugly tears.  He was so convincing.  Matthew McConaughey's performance was stellar and award-winning as well, but Jared practically stole the movie for me.  He won Best Supporting Actor in 2013.

10.  Julianne Moore playing a Harvard professor who is diagnosed with early onset of Alzheimer's is so painful and sincere.  I'd read the book Still Alice before seeing the movie.  I knew that it was entirely possible that an actress could "over-act" this role.  Julianne Moore plays it to perfection, and the Academy awarded her with Best Actress in 2014 for doing so.

Admittedly, when I first made this list, I had over 30 names.  There are a lot of magnificent performances that I could've listed but didn't.  I'd like to hear what you think. 

What performances did I miss?  Will you add any of these to your list?

Linking up with Jenn:

and Lauren and Bre:

Sunday's Seven Snapshots vol.115

I took my lunch to work everyday this week, and I'm pretty proud of that fact.

Reading blogs with my little buddy by my side (p.s. I'm behind on blog reading...again...I will catch up soon!)

Spent a little time with Sebastian Bach this week ~ you know, I love my rock bios ~ for younger readers, this guy used to sing in a band called Skid Row, and in the late '80s/early "90s, they were hugely popular.  He's also been on Broadway in Jekell & Hyde, Rocky Horror, and Jesus Christ Superstar.  Oh, apparently he's in Gilmore Girls too. 

This is ANZAC Bridge ~ I walked across it today while participating in my first ever 10K!

Still walking ~ yep, that's the same bridge in the distance.

We finished!

And, I had the most handsome supporters waiting for me at the end :)

Happy weekend to you and yours!

Peace, happiness, and supporting a good cause

How's that for a "Happy Friday" post title??

I joined a blog group on facebook.  I've never been in a blog group.  Lindsay is one of the administrators, and she is my homegirl.  Plus, they promote peace (hence, the name) and positivity.  Those are things I like to support as well.  I have no idea what I plan to get from the blog group.  After all, I don't even have a facebook page for my own blog.  But, it seems to be a group of supportive, encouraging folks, and I'm all about surrounding myself with those kinds of peeps.  If you'd like to check 'em out, it's called The Peaceful Posse. 

The 3 administrators are kicking off and hosting a weekly link-up.  I'm not the most consistent gal when it comes to weekly link-ups, but after forgetting about (or just not having time to get myself together) for Kristin's Stuff & Things this week, I thought I'd jump into this inaugural link-up "What's Up, Weekend?" hosted by Lindsay, Charlotte, and Chrissy.

Why not let you know about ten things that made me happy this week?  Here we go...

1.  Audrey mail ~ I offered to send books that I'd already read and was happy to pass along to other book lovin' bloggers.  I asked other bloggers to "pay it forward" or pass along books of their own.  Audrey offered up some books, I opted for one, and it arrived this week.  Who doesn't enjoy receiving snail mail?! 

2.  The idea of reading the above book ~ I'm not much into "classics", yet my favorite book of all time is indeed a "classic" in Children's Literature (The Secret Garden).  So, when Audrey offered this book, I thought "hey, maybe I need to try another children's lit classic", so I'm happy to give it a go.

3.  Haribo Bears ~ some days I need a little something sweet and a little something sour.  For some reason, I can actually eat these in moderation.  I can eat 2 or 3 and instantly be happier.

4.  Sending a care package ~ I often say it.  You may have already heard me say it.  Multiple times.  But, it is worth repeating.  The world needs more care packages.  And, I always feel so good about sending a little box of goodies that someone may not be expecting. 

5.  First paycheck ~ you know something awesome about starting a new job?  Receiving a first paycheck.

6.  Employment happiness ~ I'm surprised at how much I'm enjoying my new job.  I'd decided not to talk about work here, so I won't go into details, but I'm really, really enjoying it.

7.  My nephew is 16 ~ my heart is so full with what an amazing kid he is.  He is smart, funny, thoughtful, dedicated, and compassionate.  Oh, and he's adorable too.

8.  Pictures all over social media in honor of National Puppy Day ~ who doesn't love puppy pics?  Well, don't answer that.  I don't want to know the person who doesn't love puppy pics.  Here is one of my favorite pictures of my darling girls when they were puppies.

9.  Friday night dinner ~ the husband cooked steaks on the grill and homemade beer-battered onion rings, and they were goooooooood.

10.  The best for last ~ Support and donations for the Starlight Children's Foundation ~ I agreed to walk (read that...walk, not run) a 10K.  It's my first 10K ever.  A good friend has been encouraging me to participate in one with her for a little while, and she got me on this one...there's food, craft beer, and wine at the end, spectacular views of Sydney along the way, AND it benefits a charity that I support wholeheartedly.  All I've done is share a link online a few times encouraging anyone to give anything they may choose.  I set my goal to raise $500.  I did it, so I bumped it up to $750.  Typing this right now, I've raised $1,035.85 for the Starlight Children's Foundation.  I am thrilled.  If you are interested in reading more about it or donating to a worthy cause, see my link here. 

I've just realized that I've structured this sorta kinda like my personal weekly posts "Sunday's Seven Snapshots".  Oops.  Good thing I'm walking the 10K on Sunday.  I'll try to remember to take lots of pics so I have something to share in my post!

So, What's Up with Your Weekend?

Random, Frivolous Things About Me

I've read a number of bloggers sharing random facts about themselves in the last month or so.  I should give you guys credit.  My bad.  I think it's because I'm sitting here knowing of 6 off the top of my head, and, well, I admit it, I'm too lazy right now to go find all those posts. 

Today is the 21st of the month, so let's learn 21 random (mostly frivolous) facts about me:

1.  I love naps.  I can sleep anywhere, anytime.

2.  I had problems with my right ankle all throughout high school.  I sprained it, stretched and tore ligaments, and fractured it.  To this day, my left calf is higher/stronger than my right calf because it had to overcompensate for the right leg injuries.  I'm not making it up.  A doctor actually told me this.

2a.  Taking a picture of your own calves is not an easy task.  I swear that the differential between my calves is more obvious than this picture shows.  Or, now, I'm asking myself "am I just being a weird girl and noticing things about my body parts that no one else notices or cares about?"

3.  When I was a kid, I used to wish that my name was Savannah.  I've actually never met anyone named Savannah.

I'm having a difficult time coming up with random "new" things...things that I haven't already shared in this space before, so I'm going to repeat myself here and there.

4.  I have been a Bon Jovi fan since 1984.  I saw them in concert on the "Slippery When Wet" tour when I was in 8th grade.  I have seen them in the ballpark of 15 times. (see next random fact about me)  I call Jon Bon Jovi "the love of my life", and I have no shame.

5.  I have a vivid memory about some things, and other times, my memory is horrible.  For instance, I'm pretty terrible about remembering when/where/how many times I've seen certain bands in concert that I know I've seen multiple times.

6.  I love all things cheese and all things potato.

7.  I've watched 5 episodes of Big Little Lies.  This is the most I've watched of a dramatic series since Dexter.  Yep, I'm a little behind the times when it comes to television.

8.  Even though I don't watch that much tv, or that many nominated movies, or listen to that much current music, I still really enjoy watch awards shows like the Emmys, the Golden Globes, the Oscars, and the Grammys.

9.  I have 12 tattoos and a wish list for more.

10.  Prior to my current situation, I'd always had full bred dogs from breeders.  Now, I have 5 adopted fur babies who are nowhere near full breeds.

11.  I have been a nail biter my entire life.  I can still hear my grandmother's voice in my head telling me to "stop biting your nails!"  I've tried every bit of advice and product ever given to quit this filthy habit.  Finally, I gave up and decided I will wear fake nails for life.

12.  I adopted this as sort of a life motto after seeing it on pinterest a few years back:

13.  I believe the world would be a happier place if we all sent/received more care packages.

14.  I don't like olives or any of these other foods. 

15.  I used to think I was a guy's gal.  I had a lot of male friends.  I'd been accused of "thinking like a guy".  Now, I find myself much more in tune with being a woman, supporting other women, and cherishing my female friends. 

16.  I'm a rocker chick at heart, and many of you know this.  When my 9 year old stepkid just handed me his ipod and asked me to put "Monster" by Skillet on it, my rocker heart was very happy.  AC/DC is his favorite band.  No, this isn't a random, frivolous fact about me...but it was still a fun fact to share.

17.  I am a member at 3 different library systems (all of them with multiple locations), and I'm about to join a fourth.  I moved work locations...I need to join the library near my work.  Duh.

18.  I was born feet first. 

19.  I pretty much like cherry-flavored anything.  Cherry Coke.   Cherry candies (Starburst and Jolly Ranchers.)  Jim Beam Black Cherry.  Cherry Pop Tarts.  Cherry pie.  Cherry cough syrup.  Give me all the cherries...fake or real.

20.  I took dance from the ages of 4 to 10, and I was on an organized dance/drill team in junior high, high school, and 2 years in college.  I still remember choreography from random dances to the likes of Billy Idol's Mony, Mony, Whitney Houston's I Wanna Dance With Somebody, Sinead O'Connor's Nothing Compares to You, Johnny Gill's Rub You the Right Way, Van Halen's You Really Got Me...and more...

21.  I've never drank a cup of coffee.  Oh, I've had a couple of sips of one.  Multiple times to see if my taste buds have changed, but they haven't.  I don't like the taste of coffee anything.  Not even coffee ice cream or tiramisu. 

Did you learn anything new about me?  Tell me one random, frivolous thing about you that you don't think I know...